Tuesday, July 30, 2013
i've been struggling with my ego lately. i don't know why. when billy was at the barn i cared very little about what the other horse owners thought of me and my training techniques. now that he is at home i worry constantly about what the neighbors are thinking, what are they saying? deep down i KNOW that it doesn't matter. all that matters is how billy feels about everything.
i've been reading jane goodall's book "Reason for Hope" and it's given me some ideas.
she wrote, "'love they neighbor as thy self.' how could i love my self when i so often failed to live up to the standards i set? then i realized that the "self" that we have to love is not our ego, not the everyday person who goes around behaving thoughtlessly, selfishly, sometimes unkindly, but the flame of pure spirit that is in each and everyone of us, that is part of the creator; what the buddhist call "kernal". we have to learn to understand and love this spirit within in order to find peace within."
the idea that we start loving ourselves by loving that inner peaceful, kind self really felt right to me. i could hear that and understand it more than the far flung, "love thyself". loving myself is one of the hardest parts of this journey i'm on.
i've felt overwhelmed lately. overwhelmed by my ego. i've allowed it to step in and take over. so to turn that around i am going to focus on loving my inner guru with the thought that loving that part of myself will cause it to grow...
"that which is loved can grow." ~jane goodall
hopefully by loving my inner peaceful, kind self it will over take the ego part of myself.
"there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally." ~don miguel ruiz
letting go of ego goes hand in hand with taking nothing personally because it's the ego that worries about what other people are thinking about me, saying about me, if they are laughing at me. if my ego side is shrunk down to a manageable size then it would be easier to not take things personally. it wouldn't matter what others are thinking or saying!
my goal this summer/fall: to nurture my peaceful, kind self by loving myself - causing that side of myself to bloom and grow.