my life

"you might think the life you have is not at all the life you had in mind and so it doesn't constitute your real life at all.  your real life is the life you pine for, the life you're planning or the life you've already lost.  this is the life we are most devoted to: the life we don't have."                          ~ "Hand Wash Cold" by Karen Maezen Miller

how interesting!  i can totally relate to this passage.  when i am goal oriented (as i tend to be) i look toward the future.  often.  peering into the distance, visualizing what it is that want and desire.  all that peering means that i don't see what's right in front of me.  what is happening in this moment.  right now.  when i don't see the now, i'm missing out on my real life.  the life i'm living day to day.

my desire is to be a parelli professional so i can make the world a better place for horses and humans.  having that as a future goal must not stomp all over the life i have right now.

my days are filled with laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, playing with billy, cleaning his pen, grooming him, two days a week i work (so i can continue to afford to play with billy) and in between times i read, write and dream.  during all this doing i must not forget to live in the moment.

the blog post i read the other day about living without goals was a light bulb moment for me.  goals = expectations = direct line thinking.  learning to be in the moment, appreciating everything billy is teaching me, is key to my horsemanship evolving to the next level.  level 4 will come, once i learn to live in the moment.

the life i'm most devoted to must be the life i'm living now.